What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 07:07
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I will be 64.
Was to survive, this bastard.
What are some common examples of condescending behavior?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It was going to be , some day.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do I sweat so much at the gym?
And i lived it daily.
We all went to grammer schools
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He knew the spot.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
How does it feel to be in a marriage without any love?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But, we were locked up after school.
So whats the point in blame.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Would you date a Muslim guy? Why/why not?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why is it that women are stronger than men nowadays?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Who then, do I blame.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
I write beautiful poetry .
But it wasn’t much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were not on the streets..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Put me off passion for life!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What did i know ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im still living with it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She wouldn,t have been !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So, i spoilt her more .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I have no regrets .
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Ive learnt so much.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I said to her
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I waited trembling.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was in good health!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was seconnd youngest,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.